Some Giggles while Blogger lets me on

Funny thoughts.... .......
Why are there pictures of the sun wearing sunglasses when the purpose of sunglasses is to protect your eyes from the sun?
If you were born exactly on 12:00 midnight on December 31st – January 1st, which year would you say you were born in?
If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does the balloon come with it?
If you are parking somewhere and the signs in front of the parked cars say "30 minutes" then when your 30 minutes are up can you park in the spot right next to you?

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What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head
Out the window?
Refueling.

What do you call a zit on a blondes butt?
A brain tumor

If a blonde who dyes her hair brown is "Artificial Intelligence,"
What would you call a brunette who bleached her hair blonde?
"Artificial stupidity?"
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.

What don't blonds wear red lipstick?
Because it means stop wrong hole.

*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A South Carolina farm wife called the local
phone company to report her telephone failed
to ring when her friends called - and that on
the few occasions when it did ring, her dog
always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the
scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile
lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his
test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the
dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone
repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's
ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was
loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling
current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start
moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit,
thus causing the phone to ring........ .........
which demonstrates that some problems CAN
be fixed by pissing and moaning.


An old person poem....

My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty.
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely,
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never
Put my glasses back on.
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Top Ten Reasons I'm Proud To Have Been In The United States Navy

10. The Navy is my favorite branch of the armed forces and my favorite color
(Machinist's Mate Chief Andy Kuvent)

9. The way people stare when you pull up to the marina in a fast-attack
submarine
(Machinist's Mate First Class Dave Padgett)

8. It's fun to be seasick
(Sonar Technician Third Class Mike Doehring)

7. Best chance I'll ever have to meet Popeye
(Sonar Technician First Class John Hawkins)

6. You didn't hear it from me but we've got flying submarines
(Mess Management Specialist Second Class Jeffery Lay)

5. Remember that game Battleship? We get to play it with real ships
(Machinist's Mate Second Class Jesse Yoast)

4. Best chance I'll ever have to meet Olive Oyl
(Machinist's Mate Second Class Christopher Reed)

3. You can fish off the stern of the ship -- try doing that in an F-16
(Lieutenant Jason Biegelson)

2. I look sweet in uniform
(Machinist's Mate Firemen Apprentice Chris Yacur)

1. I'd like to see some skinny late night talk show host drive a submarine
(Chief of the Boat Dean Irwin)