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This That And Frog Hair2: Giggles

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Giggles


To all my cyber family and friends. I feel badly I have not had my dailey smiles posted as regually as I generally do.or have I called on my friends and family as often as I like.
No I am not taking a break from my blog. Life has somehow gotten me in faster pace than I prefer. Just say a prayer for me and mine. Check back and hopefully you will smile




A young nun at a convent had one too many sexual indiscretions, and
turned up pregnant. Scared, she told no one of this, and was thankful
that the order she belonged to wore loose, floor-length habits that
would keep her secret safe, possibly right up until the birth. And so it
did, and upon the evening when the contractions started, she rushed down
into the basement, hoping that no one would hear either her own moaning,
or the cries of the newborn child. After the birth, panic set in; she
didn't know WHAT she should do with the baby. If she were found with the
child, she would be thrown out of the order, with no place for food or
shelter. Knowing that the Mother Superior was a wise woman, and also
having no other options, she placed the baby in a basket, and quietly
crept into the sleeping Mother's room in the pre-dawn hours. She left
the baby, and silently exited the sleeping chambers. At sunrise, the Mo
ther Superior awakened, and heard the baby as it was just waking from a
nap. She quickly looked over the side of her bed, at the child in the
basket, fell back in her bed with a sorrowful look, and dejectedly
sighed, "Oh, God! You can't even trust your own finger any more!"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her
husband always came home late, no matter how she
tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I
did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in
the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that
you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him ," asked
the woman, "but how?" The neighbor said, "You see,
his name is Bill."

*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's
your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's
wonderful," I
said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about
it yet.



Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax
to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my
room I found my wife in another man's arms. Why, Dad?
Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes,
then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the
fax"

*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An
electric company worker handed him a piece of paper stating that the
electric company would like to run a power line through his cow pasture.
The Amish man said, "No, no thee can not."
"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker. As he
turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field, the Amish man
went to his barn and turned his bull into the pasture.
As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish
farmer hollered, "Show him thy friggin' paper!"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A homosexual went into a bar and met a big, burly man and they soon
left together. The next day the homosexual came back in the bar, all
battered and bruised, with two broken legs and his head bandaged. The
bartender asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
"Well," the homosexual replied, "that man I left with yesterday
wined me and dined me, then took me up to his apartment and gave me a
bath, powdered me down and put me in a beautiful negligee. Then he
picked me up in his arms, carried me over to the window by the moonlight
and asked me, 'Are you my little nightingale? '
"I said yes, and he replied, 'Well, fly, my little nightingale,
fly!' and threw me out the window!"


A man was new in town and caught the flu, so he went to see a doctor.
The doctor gave him three prescriptions. Before the man left the
doctor's office, he asked for directions to the nearest pharmacy. The
doctor said, "Go six blocks down and you will see a pharmacy on the left
hand side."
The man followed the doctor's directions and had no trouble finding
the pharmacy. As he got out of his car, he noticed a gigantic sign which
read:
"The Giant Pharmacy
where you get more for your money."
He walked in and gave the pharmacist the three prescriptions. When
his name was called, he noticed that the clerk placed a gigantic
container of antibiotics on the counter, then had trouble picking up a
huge bottle of cough syrup.
The man became alarmed, and before the clerk walked away to bring
the third prescription, he yelled "Excuse me sir..the suppositories -- I
don't want them!!"

*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
Mac died at the controls of his plane and went
to pilots' hell, where he found a hideous devil
and three doors.

The devil was busy escorting other pilots to
various "hell rooms."

"I'll be right back--don't go away," said the
devil, and he vanished.

Sneaking over to the first door, Mac peeked in
and saw a cockpit where the pilot was condemned
to forever run through pre-flight checks.

He slammed that door and peeked into the second.
There, alarms rang and red lights flashed while
a pilot had to avoid one emergency after another.
Unable to imagine a worse fate, Mac cautiously
opened the third door.

He was amazed to see many beautiful, scantily
clad flight attendants answering to a captain's
every whim. He quickly returned to his place
seconds before the devil reappeared.

"Okay, Mac," said the devil, "Which door will
it be, number 1 or number 2?"

"Um, I want door number 3," answered Mac.

"Sorry," said the devil. "You can't have door
number 3. That's flight attendants' hell."


Two trout are dining in a restaurant when one of them starts waving his
empty glass in the air.

The head waiter turns to another waiter and says, "I think there's a
fish out of water."


~...~...~...~...~...~.

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