Sunday Morning Giggles
Just Checking in for now.The Ice is mostly melted now. Day Eight on the generator and living country. Dang I had forgotten how much I love my dishwasher.
The house looks like something from the Beverly Hillbillies. Laundry air drying about the place. Yes I hooked the washer up to the generator and a washing we did. I discovered that the vaccum works quite well using the generator power.
@>~~,~~'~~X~~~`~,~~~<@
Have a God Blessed Week.
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,. 
Two families move from Afghanistan to America. When they arrive, the fathers make each other a rather large bet -- in a year's time, whichever family has become more American will win. A year later when they meet again, the first guy says, "My son's playing baseball, I had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud for tonight. How about you?" The second guy says, "Fuck you, Towel-head!"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also. The doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
In a medieval castle lived a king, who with no TV or L games to watch,
was becoming bored. So after dinner one night he decided to hold a
contest to see who at the court had the mightiest "weapon".
-
After the contest was announced the first knight stood up and proclaimed
that he had the mightiest weapon... proceeded to pull down his pants and
tied a 5 pound weight around it, and his weapon doth rose.
-
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved colored
banners... and the band played appropriate music.
-
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He
dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth
rose. The crowds cheered...the women did swoon while peeking through
their veils...the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band
played joyous music.
-
After several more knights attempted to prove their superiority. ..the
King finally spoke out.
-
"I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and
tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40
pound weight to himself. And his weapon doth rose. The crowds
cheered...the women screamed, shouted, swooned and passed out from
desire...the children waved many colored banners and the band played -
-
"God Save the Queen."
A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River
Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she
noticed a young man fixen {ready} to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't
jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."
He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you dumb
ass Yankee."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
In the middle of an international
gynecology conference, an English and
a French gynecologist are discussing
various cases they've recently
treated.
French Gynecologist : "Only last week,
zer was a woman ooh came to see
me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a
melon."
English Gynecologist : "Don't be absurd,
it couldn't have been that big, my
good man, she couldn't have been able to
walk if it was."
French Gynecologist : "Aaah, you
eenglish, zare you go again, always
talkeeng about ze size... I was talkeeng
about ze flavor..."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven,
God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a
faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours
for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not
everyone gets a house up here."
Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up
the sidewalk, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a
3-story mansion with a blue and red sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole
with an enormous Patriots logo flag, and in every window hung a red
Patriots towel.
Peyton looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but
I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I
even went to the Hall of Fame."
"So what's your point Peyton?", God asked.
"Well, why does Tom Brady get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and replied "Peyton, that's not Tom's house, it's mine."
Q. What did the pile of leaves say to the gardner?
A. "Go ahead! Rake my day!"
Danny: When my grandfather died he left us 500 clocks.
Jerry: I'll bet it'll take forever to wind up his estate!
Q. What do you get if you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A. A tongue twister.
(blonde)Mandy, talking to a friend: I put five dollars in the change
machine. And would you believe it, I'm *still* me!!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Summons!
Summons who?
Summons at the door!
Waiter: What can I get you sir?
Customer: How about a nice lobster tail?
Waiter: Very well, sir. . . "Once upon a time there was a little
lobster. . . "
Q. What's the difference between a garbage truck and an army cafeteria?
A. One hauls a mess, the other's a mess hall.
First Octopus: What do you hate most about being an octopus?
Second Octopus: Wahing my hands before dinner.
Charlie: Sardines are the dumbest of all fish!
Gary: Why do you say that?
Charlie: Who else would lock themselves in a can and then. . .
leave the key outside?
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry,
came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:
"GEORGE AND THE DRAGON".
He knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a drink of water?"
"No!" she said again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable then?"
"NO!" By this time she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond still continued, "Might I please...?"
"What *now*?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"D'ye suppose," he asked...
"I might have a word with George?"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.
Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom.
The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a
faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so
wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he
heard Roger call - "But both my legs are broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!"
So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the
rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You alright there
mate?" to which Roger
replied,"YYYYYYYYYE EEEEEEEEEEEESSSS SSSSSSSSSSS. ......."
Two families move from Afghanistan to America. When they arrive, the fathers make each other a rather large bet -- in a year's time, whichever family has become more American will win. A year later when they meet again, the first guy says, "My son's playing baseball, I had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud for tonight. How about you?" The second guy says, "Fuck you, Towel-head!"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit, he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife also. The doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
In a medieval castle lived a king, who with no TV or L games to watch,
was becoming bored. So after dinner one night he decided to hold a
contest to see who at the court had the mightiest "weapon".
-
After the contest was announced the first knight stood up and proclaimed
that he had the mightiest weapon... proceeded to pull down his pants and
tied a 5 pound weight around it, and his weapon doth rose.
-
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved colored
banners... and the band played appropriate music.
-
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He
dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth
rose. The crowds cheered...the women did swoon while peeking through
their veils...the children waved multi-colored banners... and the band
played joyous music.
-
After several more knights attempted to prove their superiority. ..the
King finally spoke out.
-
"I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and
tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a thirty pound, but a 40
pound weight to himself. And his weapon doth rose. The crowds
cheered...the women screamed, shouted, swooned and passed out from
desire...the children waved many colored banners and the band played -
-
"God Save the Queen."
A very genteel Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River
Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she
noticed a young man fixen {ready} to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't
jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."
He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you dumb
ass Yankee."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
In the middle of an international
gynecology conference, an English and
a French gynecologist are discussing
various cases they've recently
treated.
French Gynecologist : "Only last week,
zer was a woman ooh came to see
me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a
melon."
English Gynecologist : "Don't be absurd,
it couldn't have been that big, my
good man, she couldn't have been able to
walk if it was."
French Gynecologist : "Aaah, you
eenglish, zare you go again, always
talkeeng about ze size... I was talkeeng
about ze flavor..."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven,
God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a
faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours
for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not
everyone gets a house up here."
Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up
the sidewalk, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a
3-story mansion with a blue and red sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole
with an enormous Patriots logo flag, and in every window hung a red
Patriots towel.
Peyton looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but
I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I
even went to the Hall of Fame."
"So what's your point Peyton?", God asked.
"Well, why does Tom Brady get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and replied "Peyton, that's not Tom's house, it's mine."
Q. What did the pile of leaves say to the gardner?
A. "Go ahead! Rake my day!"
Danny: When my grandfather died he left us 500 clocks.
Jerry: I'll bet it'll take forever to wind up his estate!
Q. What do you get if you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A. A tongue twister.
(blonde)Mandy, talking to a friend: I put five dollars in the change
machine. And would you believe it, I'm *still* me!!
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Summons!
Summons who?
Summons at the door!
Waiter: What can I get you sir?
Customer: How about a nice lobster tail?
Waiter: Very well, sir. . . "Once upon a time there was a little
lobster. . . "
Q. What's the difference between a garbage truck and an army cafeteria?
A. One hauls a mess, the other's a mess hall.
First Octopus: What do you hate most about being an octopus?
Second Octopus: Wahing my hands before dinner.
Charlie: Sardines are the dumbest of all fish!
Gary: Why do you say that?
Charlie: Who else would lock themselves in a can and then. . .
leave the key outside?
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry,
came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:
"GEORGE AND THE DRAGON".
He knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
"Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a drink of water?"
"No!" she said again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable then?"
"NO!" By this time she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond still continued, "Might I please...?"
"What *now*?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"D'ye suppose," he asked...
"I might have a word with George?"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.
Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom.
The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a
faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so
wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he
heard Roger call - "But both my legs are broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!"
So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the
rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You alright there
mate?" to which Roger
replied,"YYYYYYYYYE EEEEEEEEEEEESSSS SSSSSSSSSSS. ......."
posted by lilfeathers2000 at 9:14 AM
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