Cooking Tips

Your Culinary Skills Might Need a Little Help If:


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* You consider it a culinary success if the Pop-Tart
stays in one piece.

* Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

* Your family buys Alka-Seltzer and Beano in bulk.

* When you barbecue, two of your kids holds water guns
and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on
speed-dial.

* Outback bought your recipe for blackened chicken.

* Neighborhood kids use your biscuits for hockey pucks.

* Your family automatically heads for the dinner table
every time they hear a fire truck siren.

* Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

* Your two best recipes are meat loaf and apple pie,
but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

* Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel
off the bottom of the oven.

* You've used three boxes of scouring pads, a
bottle of Drano, hammer and a chisel,

and that macaroni and cheese

still won't let go of the pan.

* Pest control companies keep pestering you

for your recipes.

* Baptist preachers reject all invitations for

dinner at your house.

* Your family prays AFTER they eat!