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This That And Frog Hair2: Tips from The Redneck Book of Manners

Friday, March 02, 2007

Tips from The Redneck Book of Manners


Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners


1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
2. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.


DINING OUT


1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.



PERSONAL HYGIENE


1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.


DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back sodas.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

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