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This That And Frog Hair2: Hunting

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Hunting



HUNTING SEASON
Saturday
1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings.

2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drags you out of bed.
2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper.
3:00 A.M. Leave for deep woods.
3:15 A.M. Drive back home and get gun.
3:30
A.M. Drive like mad to get to woods before daylight.
4:00 A.M. Set up camp -- forgot the sleeping tent.
4:30 A.M. Head into woods.
6:05 A.M. See eight deer.
6:06 A.M. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 A.M. "CLICK"
6:08 A.M. Load gun, while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 A.M. Head back to camp.
9:00 A.M. Still looking for camp.
10:00 A.M. Realize you don't know where camp is.
NOON Fire gun for help-- eat wild berries.
12:15 P.M. Ran
out of bullets -- eight deer come back.
12:20 P.M. Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 P.M. Realize you ate poison berries.
12:35 P.M. Keep shouting until you are hoarse.
12:45 P.M. Rescued, rushed to hospital -- stomach pumped.
3:00 P.M. Arrive back at camp.
3:30 P.M. Leave camp to kill a deer.
4:00 P.M. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 P.M. Load gun -- leave camp again.
5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 P.M. Arrive atcamp, see deer grazing in camp.
6:01 P.M. Load gun and fire.
6:02 P.M. One dead pick-up truck.
6:04 P.M. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 P.M.Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 P.M. Fall into the camp fire.
6:10 P.M. Change clothes -- throw burned ones into fire.
6:15 P.M. Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 P.M. Pick-up boils over -- hole shot in radiator.
6:26 P.M. Start walking, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.
6:35 P.M. Meet bear and take aim.

6:37 P.M. Fire gun -- blow up barrel, plugged with mud.
6:38 P.M. Very offensive ordor coming from pants.
6:39 P.M. Climb a tree quick.
9:00 P.M. Bear departs -- Wrap gun around the tree.
11:00 P.M. Spend 2 hours finding camp, partner, and a way home.

MIDNIGHT Home at last.
Sunday
Watch ball game on TV, while tearing hunting license into little pieces,
place them into an envelope and mail
to Game Warden with very explicit instructions on
what to do with them.

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