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This That And Frog Hair2: White Trash Wednesday

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

White Trash Wednesday


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~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 Truths Black and Hispanic people know but white people won't admit
1. Elvis is dead.

2. Jesus was not white.

3. Rap music is here to stay.

4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.

5. Skinny does not equal sexy.

6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.

7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller.

8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.

9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.

10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 Truths White and Black People know but Hispanic people won't admit
1. Hickeys are not attractive.

2. Chicken is food not a pet or a roommate.

3. Jesus is not a name for your son.

4. Your country flag is not a car decoration.

5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.

6. 10 people to a car are considered too many.

7. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.

8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.

9. Mami & Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.

10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 Truths White and Hispanic people know but black people won't admit
1. O.J. did it.

2. Tupac is dead.

3. Teeth shouldn't be decorated.

4. Weddings should start on time.

5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.

6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.

7. Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, it's a color.

8. Church does not require expensive clothes.

9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.

10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by
side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He
recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's
the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"

When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break
the ship into a million pieces?

That will be sweet revenge." And the female agreed to this.

So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship,
and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship.

The ship flew in to the air and crashed back to the sea and broke
into a million pieces. The pair of whales started to swim off
when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but
floating clinging to pieces of wood in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, "They're
still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp
up all the sailors!"

The female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said, "Oh no...
I agreed to the blow-job but I'm not swallowing the seamen!!!



Bubba had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem tha t more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and waited for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where?
Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and
Went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through
The barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:
"Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'."
"Heard what?"
"Herd of buffalos."
"Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em
Right over there."
*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18
inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim
by, you might live in Michigan.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each
year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live
in Michigan.
If your local Dair y Queen is closed from November through March, you
might live in Michigan.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the
year, you might live in Michigan.
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,
you might live in Michigan.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Michigan.
If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in
Michigan.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in
Michigan.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed
a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.
You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when........ .....
1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
without flinching.
6. You see people wearing fall formal wear = camouflage at social events
(including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to
use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a deer 'bow target' next to
your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Ohio
16. A Muskrat is something you can eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.
18. You go out to a fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You drink pop and bake with soda.
23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not
medicine.
24. You know what a Yooper is.
25. You think owning a Honda is Un Ameri can.
26. You know that UP is a place not a direction
27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
28. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is
a Kevlar vest.
29. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your Michigan friends


File Description: Job Interview Quotations*

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest
corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience
interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm restle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the
interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a
hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the
interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped
and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few
minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by
having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how
to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing
up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions that
have been asked by job candidates.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?"

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates
during the interview process.

I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.

At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.

I feel uneasy indoors.

Sometimes I feel like smashing things.

Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.

I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.

I get excited very easily.

Once a week, I usually feel hot all over.

I am fascinated by fire.

I like tall women.

Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about sex.

People are always watching me.

If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.

Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct.

I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.

I never get hungry.

I know who is responsible for most of my troubles

If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

My legs are really hairy.

I think I'm going to throw-up.



Jack forced himself to open his eyes. The first thing he saw was a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next
to them, a single red rose!
Jack then looks over, and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean
and pressed.
He notices that the entire room is in perfect order,
Spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirin, and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror. There's a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love
you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is
hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,
eating. Jack asks,
"Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M.., drunk and out of your mind. You
broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when
you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh... THAT!...
Well, mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to undress you,
you screamed,
"Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"
Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time........ .Priceless.

*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*'``'*:-.,_,.-:*
An older lady was out shopping when she notices a very expensive
boutique advertising, "DRESSES AND HATS ON SALE." She can't resist a
sale and goes inside and starts trying on dresses and hats.
After awhile, she finds only a hat that she really likes and buys it.
When she steps back outside, a fierce wind has picked up on her way down
the street to the bus stop.
While she is standing there at her stop, she is quite worried that the
wind might blow off her brand new hat. So she holds on to it with both
hands. Not paying mind to anything else, she soon feels a tap on her
shoulder and turns to see a young man there who says,
"Excuse me, ma'am, but why are you just holding your hat while your
dress is blowing clear up to your elbows?"
The old woman replies,
"Son, I've had what's under this dress for almost eighty-six years, but
I've only had this hat for half an hour!"

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