Its Click and Comment today
START YOUR DAY THE AMERICAN WAY
I pledge alligiance to the flag of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands
********-One Nation Under God********
Indivisible with liberty and justice for all
How much is the owner of a hundred female pigs and a hundred male
Two hundred sows and bucks.
Did you hear about the English dog with a wrench?
He was a cocker spanner.
Why didn?t the little bird hurt himself when he fell out of the tree?
Because he used a sparrow chute.
It's Monday morning. Rise and whine.
-- Graffiti: Gene Mora
She was so gentle, wouldn't molest a fly,
unless it was open of course
The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have
been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 8980: When driving
a stolen car, it's not usually a good idea to ask police for help
if it breaks down. That's what happened to bozo Renee Hughes of
Billings, Montana, who was cruising around in a stolen car when she
had a flat tire. A police officer stopped to offer help and before
changing the tire did a routine check of the license plate. When
he discovered the vehicle was stolen, he changed the tire while
waiting for backup to arrive and arrest our bozo.
A South African man is being divorced after an email meant for
his girlfriend went to his wife instead
Ollie van Jaarsveld meant to send the message to Rene Thompson,
Instead it went to his wife of thirty years Betty Lou, who was
said to have been shocked by the message.
The message read "I can't stand the woman I'm married to. Rene I
am more in love with you than I was with anyone in my life. Please
dump your boyfriend and join me for a lifetime of joy."
Scientists have found that women get drunk faster and suffer
Most common hangover complaints were dehydration, tiredness,
headaches, nausea and vomiting.
These symptoms proved much worse in women who had drunk the same
amount as their men.
Cynthia Slunk, of the University of New Mexico, said, "This makes
biological sense, because women tend to weigh less and have lower
percentages of total body water than men do, so they should achieve
higher degrees of intoxication and, presumably, more hangover per
unit of alcohol."
Ms. Slunk, professor of psychology led the team, in its study of
1,200 college students.
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an
-- Albert Einstein
Advertisement for lawn sprinkler system: "Dew it yourself."
Why don't witches wear panties?
So that they can get a good grip on the broom.
The first step to failure is trying.
-- Homer Simpson
After six years of trying to start a family, a couple was finally
blessed with the birth of its first child. The wife told her husband
to put an announcement in the local paper. When he returned from the
newspaper office, she asked him what details he had included. "Just
the name, address and date," he said.
"How much did it cost?" "About six hundred and eighty dollars,"
"Why so much?" the stunned woman exclaimed.
"Well, after I wrote out the announcement, the clerk asked me how
many insertions, and I said four times a week for six years."
"Paris Hilton is now claiming she will remain celibate for
365 days. Oh, not in a row...over the course of her lifetime."
"Floyd Landis said the reason he failed the drug test was that he
accidentally ingested testosterone from another source. So he ate
Barry Bonds." ~Conan O'Brien
"It was so hot today that my cab driver said, 'If I used deodorant
this would have been the day I would use it.'" ~David Letterman
"As I'm sure you know by now, Sen. Joe Lieberman lost his own
party's nomination yesterday. He was beaten by newcomer Ned Lamont
or you might know him as 'Who? What?'." ~Jay Leno
"This is the latest: While on vacation, President Bush, I guess this
was in the paper today, reportedly is reading a book about Abraham
Lincoln or as President Bush calls him: the guy from the pennies."
"There's some controvery about Mel Gibson's for a DUI in
Malibu. They think he may have gotten special treatment. There's a
police report that says instead of handcuffing him like they
usually do, the arresting officer opened the door and asked Mel
nicely to step in. I think right about now, Rodney King is going,
'I should have been an actor!'" ~Jay Leno
"Tom Cruise has found a new film deal. Thank God! I was so worried
he'd wind up driving a cab." --David Letterman
"Today, of course, the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina
hitting New Orleans. FEMA officials said it seems like just
yesterday when they first arrived in New Orleans. And then they
realized, 'Oh, it was just yesterday.'"