This That And Frog Hair2: Click and Comment Today.(don't forget)

Monday, November 20, 2006

Click and Comment Today.(don't forget)

Ben Franklin, in a letter to his daughter, proposed the turkey as the official United States bird.
In 2005, the average American ate 16.7 pounds of turkey.
In 2005, Turkey was the # 4 protein choice for American consumers behind chicken, beef and pork
The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.
A 15 pound turkey usually has about 70 percent white meat and 30 percent dark meat.
The wild turkey is native to Northern Mexico and the Eastern United States.
The male turkey is called a tom.
The female turkey is called a hen.
The turkey was domesticated in Mexico and brought to Europe in the 16th century.
Wild turkeys can fly for short distances up to 55 miles per hour.
Wild turkeys can run 20 miles per hour.
Tom turkeys have beards. This is black, hairlike feathers on their breast. Hens sometimes have beards, too.
Turkeys’ heads change colors when they become excited.
Canadians consumed 138.6 million kg (Mkg) of turkey in the year 2005.
Six hundred seventy-five million pounds of turkey are eaten each Thanksgiving in the United States.
Turkeys can see movement almost a hundred yards away.
Turkeys lived almost ten million years ago.
Turkey feathers were used by Native Americans to stabilize arrows.
Baby turkeys are called poults and are tan and brown.
Most of the turkeys raised for commercial production are White Hollands.
Turkey eggs are tan with brown specks and are larger than chicken eggs.
It takes 75-80 pounds of feed to raise a 30 pound tom turkey.
United States turkey growers raised 256, 270,000 turkeys in 2005
The turkeys produced in 2005 together weighed 7.2 billion pounds and were valued at $3.2 billion.
United States turkey growers will produce an estimated 266,500,000 turkeys in 2006.
Forty-five million turkeys are eaten each Thanksgiving.
Twenty-two million turkeys are eaten each Christmas.
Nineteen million turkeys are eaten each Easter.
Male turkeys gobble. Hens do not. They make a clicking noise.
Gobbling turkeys can be heard a mile away on a quiet day.
Minnesota, North Carolina, Arkansas, Virginia, Missouri and California are the leading producers of turkey in 2005. These states produced 166 million of the 256 million turkeys raised in 2005.
Illinois produced 2.9 million turkeys in 2005 and ranked 15th in turkey production in the United States.
A 16 week old turkey is called a fryer. A five to seven month old turkey is called a young roaster and a yearling is a year old. Any turkey 15 months or older is called mature.
The ballroom dance the "turkey trot" was named for the short, jerky steps that turkeys take.
Turkeys don’t really have ears like ours, but they have very good hearing.
Turkeys can see in color.
A large group of turkeys is called a flock.
Turkeys do not see well at night.
2.74 billion pounds of turkey were processed in the United States in 1994.
A domesticated male turkey can reach a weight of 30 pounds within 18 weeks after hatching.
Turkeys are related to pheasants.
Commercially raised turkeys cannot fly.
Turkeys have heart attacks. The United States Air Force was doing test runs and breaking the sound barrier. Nearby turkeys dropped dead with heart attacks.
Wild turkeys spend the night in trees. They especially like oak trees.
Wild turkeys were almost wiped out in the early 1900's. Today there are wild turkeys in every state except Alaska.
Turkeys are believed to have been brought to Britain in 1526 by Yorkshireman William Strickland. He acquired six turkeys from American Indian traders and sold them for tuppence in Bristol.
Henry VIII was the first English King to enjoy turkey and Edward VII made turkey eating fashionable at Christmas.
In England, 200 years ago, turkeys were walked to market in herds. They wore booties to protect their feet. Turkeys were also walked to market in the United States.
For 87% of people in the UK, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without a traditional roast turkey.
Turkey breeding has caused turkey breasts to grow so large that the turkeys fall over.
June is National Turkey Lover’s Month.
Since 1947, the National Turkey Federation has presented a live turkey and two dressed turkeys to the President. The President does not eat the live turkey. He "pardons" it and allows it to live out its days on a historical farm.
The five most popular ways to serve leftover turkey is as a sandwich, in stew, chili or soup, casseroles and as a burger.
Eating turkey does not cause you to feel sleepy after your Thanksgiving dinner. Carbohydrates in your Thanksgiving dinner are the likely cause of your sleepiness.
50 percent of U.S. consumers eat turkey at least once per week.
According to the 2002 census, there were 8,436 turkey farms in the United States.
Turkey is low in fat and high in protein.
White meat has fewer calories and less fat than dark meat.
For their first meal on the moon, astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin ate roast turkey in foil packets.
Turkeys will have 3,500 feathers at maturity.
Turkeys have been bred to have white feathers. White feathers have no spots under the skin when plucked.
Most turkey feathers are composted.
Turkey skins are tanned and used to make cowboy boots and belts.
The costume that "Big Bird" wears on Sesame Street is rumored to be made of turkey feathers.
Israelis eat the most turkeys.....28 pounds per person.
The caruncle is a red-pink fleshy growth on the head and upper neck of the turkey.
Turkeys have a long, red, fleshy area called a snood that grows from the forehead over the bill.
The fleshy growth under a turkey’s throat is called a wattle.
Turkey eggs hatch in 28 days.
The Native Americans hunted wild turkey for its sweet, juicy meat as early as 1000 A.D. Turkey feathers were used to stabilize arrows and adorn ceremonial dress, and the spurs on the legs of wild tom turkeys were used as projectiles on arrowheads.
Number of places in the United States named after the holiday’s traditional main course. Turkey, Texas, was the most populous in 2005, with 492 residents; followed by Turkey Creek, La. (357); and Turkey, N.C. (269). There also are nine townships around the country named “Turkey,” three in Kansas

***National Rules of Manhood***
1: Under no circumstances go to see Brokeback Mountain... especially with your friends. This is not debatable.
2: It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances: a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c. After wrecking your boss' car. d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game." e. When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you are sunning on a tropical beach, it's delivered by a topless supermodel, and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you are in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends do not let friends wear Speedo's. Ever. Issue closed. Period.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that is just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she is withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you are feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you** **not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. Ever.
26: Unless it is a vintage Mopar ... Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question of, "What do you want for Christmas?" with ... "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever!
29: Under no circumstances share an umbrella with another man.

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners,
asked her students the following question:…"Michael, if you were on a date
having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have
to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee”
The teacher responded by saying, that would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it? Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the
bathroom I'll be right back” that's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? "I would say:
Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine,
whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner…….the teacher fainted.


A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first." Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN an other until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And, just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.
The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear."

A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "Man, I'm dying to
Have sex in the worst way. So the bartender says, "Well, the worst
Way I know of is standing up in a hammock."
The college football player knew his way around the locker room
better than he did the library, so when my husband's co-worker
saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused,
she asked how she could help.
"I have to read a play by Shakespeare, " he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."


Then you do it!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A blonde named Gail is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with
Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Gail, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a
friend. If you get it right, the next question is
worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to
$32,000. Are you ready?"
Gail: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Gail: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Anne." Anne (also a
blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Anne, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your friend Gail here who needs your help to answer
the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be
Gail: "Anne, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is
it: A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Anne: "Good grief, Gail, that's simple. It's a cuckoo."
Gail: "Are you sure?"
Anne: "I'm sure."
Regis: "Gail, you heard Anne. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the
Gail: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Gail: "Yes."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Gail: "Yes; I think Anne's pretty smart."
Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you
have just won one million dollars!"
To celebrate, Gail flies Anne to New York. That night they go out on
the town. As they're sipping champagne, Gail looks at Anne and asks
her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not
build its own nest?"
Anne answers, "That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."

*Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes*

* "Jerry was at his grandmother' s yesterday, and she did not bring him
to school because Jerry couldn't remember where the school was."

* "Ronnie would not finish his work last night. He said his brain was
too tired of spelling."

* "Eric hurt his knee in a karate tournament over the weekend. He won
his age group, but was in too much pain to do his math assignment."

* "Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a
party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her
sleep during recess time."

* "Henry stayed home because he had a stomach ache from eating too much

* "It was my fault Mike did not do his math homework last night. His
pencil broke and we do not have a pencil sharpener at home."

* "Scott didn't practice last night because he lost his tooth in the
mouthpiece of his trumpet."

* "Diane was late on Wednesday. She fell asleep on the bus and was
taken back to the bus yard."

* "Cody was absent yesterday because we were out bowling untill 2

Just How Blonde Was She?

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...

She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thought General Motors was in the army.
She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
At the bottom of an application where it says "sign here," she wrote
"Sagittarius. "

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." She
asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. She tried to put M&M's in
alphabetical order.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
She studied for a blood test.
She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
She sold the car for gas money.
When she missed the #44 bus, she took the #22 bus twice instead.
When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport
Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. She thought if she
spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. She thought that she could not use
her AM radio in the evening. And last but certainly not least....... ..
She had a tee-shirt that said, "TGIF," which she thought stood for...
"This Goes In Front."

It seems that a private went to his sergeant to find out
what he should do about a small scratch on his finger.
The sarge recommended that he go to the dispensary.
The private thereupon ambled over to a door marked "Dispensary. " He
walked in and found himself in an empty room with two doors at the far
end, one marked "Sickness" and the other "Injuries." He figured the
latter covered his case, so he opened that door, only to find himself in
another empty
room with two doors at the far end. These were marked
"Head and Body" and "Limbs and Extremities. "
He decided a scratched finger would come under the latter category so he
went through that door. Again he found himself in an empty room with
two doors. This time one was marked "Major" and the other "Minor." He
figured his was only a minor injury, so he walked through that door,
only to find himself outdoors. Later the sergeant asked him if he got
his finger fixed. "No," he said, "but, boy, is that place organized!"

A fellow applies to the local Welfare Office for money. They ask why he
needs financial assistance. "I'm having trouble with my eyes," the man says., matter of factly. "I beg your pardon, did you say 'your eyes'? the clerk asks in a
bewildered tone. "That's right," the man replies..... ."I can't see myself going to work."

At his request, each morning three-year-old Ray's mother pinned a bath
towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt.
Immediately in his young imaginative mind the towel became a brilliant
magic blue and red cape.
And he became Superman. Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days
were packed with adventure and daring escapades. After all, he was
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him
in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher
asked Ray his name.
"Superman," he answered politely, and without pause.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked
again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Ray answered, "Superman!"
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide her
amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a voice
quite stern, said,
"I will have to have your real name for the records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes
around the room, hunched closer to her, and patting a corner of frayed
towel at his shoulder, answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy.. ...
"OK .....I'm Clark Kent. But, only *you* know!"
I'm a counsellor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features.
I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I
jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a
cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."
Immediately, one woman called out, "Hey! We're not *THAT* blind!"

At her father's wake, a woman told her priest
that ever since she was a child she and her
father had discussed life after death. They had
agreed that whomever went first would contact the
other. They had discussed this again just two
weeks before his death. He died in her home and a
few days after his death the smoke alarm in her
garage went off.
She had lived there 28 years and it had never
gone off before. She couldn't turn it off, so she
called the security company that installed it.
The next morning the smoke alarm sounded
again...and the reason finally dawned on her. She
said aloud, "Ok dad, I missed the signal
yesterday, but I get it now! Thanks for letting
me know that you are safe on the other side. Now
turn the thing off so I don't have to call the
security company again."

And it went off. She immediately called her priest to
tell him the good news. His response was, "Dear lady,
if every time your
father sends you a message, he sets off the smoke
alarm, just where do you think he's calling from?"
The young lieutenant was drilling his platoon under the eyes of a
ferociously scowling colonel. The lieutenant's nerve was trickling away
under his senior's fierce glance and his voice was beginning to break.
Finally, having completed an intricate maneuver, the lieutenant found
the entire platoon marching, eight abreast, toward the edge of a cliff.
He broke down completely at that and stared at the marching men,
frozen and helpless.
And the colonel finally barked, "Good heavens, man, at least say
good-bye to them."
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with
at a salon. The brunette told her,
"There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell
the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here's the address of a friend of
mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it
shouldn't be a problem to sell."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did
you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles
on it."

A shapely Finnish girl was a counselor at a girl's camp on Wonder Lake.
She was at the camp a day early to get things in order, and when her
work was done, she thought it would be nice to start a sun tan "au
natural", since this was private property. Suddenly, she heard male
voices! She jumped up, stood in a crouch, and covered her bosom with
crossed arms. Two young men approached her, asking "Which way is it to
the boy's camp on Wonder Lake?" She said, "Oh, I know you guys, you just
want me to point, so you can see my titties!"
"No, no," they said, "we just want to know what direction we must
go, we're lost."
"O.K., she said, straightening up, and standing on her right leg
and lifting her left leg horizontally, she said, "It's over dat way!"
Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4
minutes. The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the
average intercourse 36 strokes long. Since the average length of a penis
is about 6 inches, the average girl receives 216 inches of penis or 18
feet of penis per intercourse.

If the average girl does it 3 times a week, (that makes 156 times
annually) 156 x 18 feet of penis makes 2808 feet, or just over a half
mile of penis per year. If a girl starts having sex at 16, and since the
average life span of a woman is 75, you could say that you could be
getting 2808 feet of penis x 59 years of sex makes 165,672 feet, or
55,224 yards, or a little over 31 miles of penis in your lifetime.

Anyone whose getting more than that, well, yer just a big ol' slut.

Leave some for the rest of us.
Three golfers had a big golf game with a client in Arizona. They were
running late and as luck would have it their car broke down. They found
a repair garage nearby. The mechanic told them it would take four hours
to fix their car. But he told them" You're in luck. I have a camel that
the three of you can ride over to the golf course. This camel is smart.
He can read stoplights - he'll stop and go just as the light directs. So
the three of them pile on the camel, golf clubs and all and took off.
An hour later the mechanic saw the three of them standing a couple of
miles down the road and the camel was not in sight.
"What in the world happened and where's my camel?"
"Well, we had stopped at that light and a car pulled up along side of
us. The guy in the car stuck his head out the window and said 'Look at
the three nuts on that camel!!'" When we got off to look, the beast took
off when the light turned green."

Random Insults
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against
thousands of others?

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found
nothing there.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the class an example of
love. Little Susie stood up and said, "I saw two robins making a nest
together, I think that is love".
Very good said the teacher, anyone else?
Little Johnny stood up and said i think love is "fucking".
The teacher was shocked and told little Johnny to go home and not to
come back without a note from his father.
The next morning Little Johnny was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do
you have a note from your father?"
Little Johnny said, "No, my father said love is fucking and anyone that
says it is not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with cock suckers."
Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was
sporting a blackeye. She asked him what happened.
He replied, "Ma'm, you remember I told you how I
sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well,
last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake,
I said yes and the he punched me in the face".
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help,
"the next time your dad asks you if you're still
awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend
to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little
Johnny came to class with another black eye.
The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her
Johnny explained, "Mam, I tried to, when dad asked
me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really
still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad
said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too',
and I didn't want them to go anywhere without
me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers,
I'm coming too!' and that's when my dad said,
"you little liar." and he punched me in the face."

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