Tickles

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time. One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is. "Kenneth." "And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions: First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess.

Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess. When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary point him out and asks him what his name is. "Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have five questions:

First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were

paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"


~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week my boss said he was going to garnish my
wages.
Call me dense, but I fail to see how a sprig of
parsley in my paycheck will make it any more
attractive.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip
to their local police station where they saw pictures
tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked
if it really was the photo of a wanted person
"Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked,
"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
And God made Australia...(sent by a proud Aussie!)

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him on the seventh day, having a rest. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,

"Look Michael! Look what I have made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

It's a planet", replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America. North America will be rich, powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"

"Yes" said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a large land mass and asked, "What's that one?"

Ah" said God, "That's Australia, the most glorious place on Earth!

There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an
exquisite coast line. The people are good looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable cricket and rugby players, who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then declared, "But you said there will be BALANCE!?"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whining, sheep
rooting, Kiwi bastards I'm putting next to them."

~~~~~~~~~~`

DEJA MOO

AN ODD FEELING THAT...



YOU'VE HEARD THIS

BULLSHIT

BEFORE !!!

~~~~~~~~~~~
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the all channels and
a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the woman ran out onto the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop
and his dog, sat down on the steps, put her face in her hands and
moaned,
" I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for
help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"