sermon

During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that
The entire range of human experience could be found in the Holy Bible.

He confidently stated,
"If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Holy Bible."

After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said
"Reverend, I don't think the Holy Bible mentions anything about PMS."

The preacher told the woman
he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture.

During the following week,
he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and Verse-by-verse.

On the following Sunday , the woman came up to him and asked,
"Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?"

The preacher smiled, opened his Bible and began to read,

"... And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."


joshua fit de battle of jerico
****************

Friends

Subject: FW: Fwd: CIVILIAN FRIENDS vs COP FRIENDS. Funny as shit and TRUE...Chris-

CIVILIAN FRIENDS vs COP FRIENDS

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when you are drunk. COP FRIENDS: Will post 360 degree security so you don't get caught.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs COP FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell and tell them about the fat chick you tried to pick up

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that  no one is late for the ride home. COP FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Cry with you. COP FRIENDS: laugh at you and tell you to put some vagasil on your p*ssy.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. COP FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone. COP FRIENDS: Will Low Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. COP FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing. COP FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. COP FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar. COP FRIENDS: Will man up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come. COP FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. COP FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste..That's alcohol abuse!!!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week. COP FRIENDS: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore". COP FRIENDS: Will say "okay just one more" and then 2 minutes later okay just one more".

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. COP FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!!

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you." COP FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this COP FRIENDS: Will forward this

THE FLAG I'll wave to all of you, as you leave

I'll wave to all of you, as you leave
when it's time for you to go.
As you sail from sea to shining sea
take the colors of your home.
Take me with you, wherever you go
keep me in your heart each night.
And if you forget what you're fighting for
remember me, in flight.
Take me out to the battleground,
and then tear me into shreds.
Wrap the bleeding wound with me,
and bind the aching head.
Plunge me into coldest water
to soothe the fevered brow.
Tie me across the shattered limb,
I'll support it now.
Let me dry the homesick tear,
and hold closed, the gaping chest,
for here, in the field, where hope is lost
I am at my best.
And then, burn what is left of me,
for warmth into the night.
So I may bring comfort, where there is need
and courage, for the fight.
My red is deeper, for the blood you've shed.
My white is purer, for your pain.
My blue will be bluer than the deepest sea
when you come home again.
Then I'll rise to the top of the flagpole,
where my colors are always flown,
and from there, when the war is over
I'll wave, to welcome you home.