Oklahoma Survivor Show
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Oklahoma is planning to do its own entitled: "Survivor - Oklahoma Style".
The contestants will start in Tulsa , travel over to Tahlequah and on to Muskogee and McAlester . Then they will head to Durant on to Lawton and
From there they will proceed to Anadarko then up to Alva. Then back down through Woodward, Enid and all the way down to Oklahoma City thru El Reno and finally back up to Tulsa.
Each contestant will be driving a pink Volvo with Texas license plates and a large bumper sticker that reads: Bob Stoops is gay.
I'm a vegetarian.
Biscuits and gravy clog your arteries. The Oklahoma Sooners suck....
Beef Jerky is high in cholesterol.
Hillary in 2008.
Hunting is murder and
I'm here to confiscate your guns.
The first one that makes it back to Tulsa alive - Wins....
Weird Fact :
Diamonds were first discovered in the riverbeds of the Golconda region of India over 4,000 years ago.
Weird Fact :
Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in the building of the Hoover Dam in 1933.
Weird Fact :
Levan, which is located in Utah, got its name from "navel" which is levan spelt backwards. It was named this because it is in the center of Utah.
THE FUNNY THINGS KIDS SAY
Kas was taking care of her 5-year-old grandson, Weston. He
asked why her tummy was so big, and Kas told him she was getting
older, weighed too much and had a sickness that makes her tummy
swell. He thought for a minute and then asked, "Are you going to
have a baby?" Kas told him no, she was too old. Weston got a big
frown and said, "Darn!" (He had overheard his mom saying there won't
be any more babies and he saw Grandma as his last hope!
When Reagan, 2, eats all her food her mother says, "Reagan, you
ate it all. You are such a piglet!" Reagan laughs but lately she
has an answer all her own. She replies, "Mommy, you're a pooh!"
Just the other day on the way to work, she changed it a bit. After
the usual piglet exchange, she replied, "Mommy, you not a pooh. You
a Mommy." Then a few minutes later, "Mommy, I not a piglet, I a
Reagan!" It made her mother Melanie laugh all the way to work and
definitely made her day.
Weird Fact :
The first subway system in America was built in Boston, Massachusetts in 1897.
A little boy dresses as a pirate for halloween. At the first house he goes to, a lady answers the door. "Trick or treak?" the little boy says.. "Oh, what a cute little pirate", the lady says "you got the little sword, the little black eye patch, the pirate hat..oh..how cute..and where are your buccaneers little pirate?" she asks.. "Under my buckin' hat, lady."
Trick or-Treating started in 9th century European with a custom called "souling". On November 2, All Souls Day, people would walk from village to village begging for "soul cakes". These were square pieces of bread with currants. And for every soul cake the beggars got, they said a prayer for the dead relatives of the donors. Today, Trick or Treating is just for fun. And most children say their favorite Trick or Treat candy is either chocolate or gum.
~~< * >~~
"Old age ain't no place for sissies."
Out Of Gas
A young nun who worked for a local home health care
agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of
As luck would have it, there was a gas station just
one block away.
She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough
gas to start the car and drive to the station for a
The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas
can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she
would care to wait he was sure it would be back
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she
decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
After looking through her car for something to carry
to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan
she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she
carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline,
and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car,
two men watched her from across the street. One of
them turned to the other and said:
"I know that the Lord turned water into wine, but if
that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for
the rest of my life
~~< * >~~
Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear, or are about to repeat a rumor . . .
In ancient Greece, Socrates (469 - 399 BC), was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day, the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really"
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man slunk away, defeated and ashamed . . .
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem . . . . It also explains why he never found out that
Plato was sleeping with his wife.
~~< * >~~
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
Sam and Henrietta were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty
Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they
watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to
the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last
decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a
rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to
show them inside.
He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine
silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master
bath And their favorite clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped
in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your
Sam asked how much all this was going to cost.
"Why, nothing," their companion replied, "remember, this is your
reward in Heaven."
Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf
course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth. "What
are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven," the companion replied. "You can play for free,
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks
to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said their companion to Sam. "This is Heaven, it is
all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Henrietta. "Well,
where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the
decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," the companion replied. "You can eat and drink
as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat
or sick. This is Heaven!"
Sam pushed, "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
Sam glared at Henrietta and said, "You and your darn bran muffins.
We could have been here 15 years ago...."
FLORIDA TRAVEL AGENT TERMS
Old world charm ... Room with no TV, radio or phone,
and only 1 light.
Tropical .... Rainy.
Majestic setting ... Out in the swamp, at end of dirt road.
Options galore ... Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway .......Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms .....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own .....At your own expense.
Minutes From ???......... ..By helicopter
Romantic ............ ......... . No Phone or alarm clock in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees ............ .. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise.... .. Your car's paint will never be
Nominal fee ............ ..... Outrageous charge.
Standard ............ ......... Sub-standard.
Deluxe ............ ......... ... Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations. .. One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.
All the amenities ......... Two chocolates, two shower caps and a extra
roll of toilet tissue.
Just Like Home........ ..... No Maid service.
Plush ............ ..... Both top and bottom sheets, bed
Gentle breezes ........... In hurricane alley.
Light and airy ............ .. Window open...No air conditioning.
Picturesque ............ .... Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar .....Ice cubes at additional cost (when
Hallmark's Hoops and Yoyo tell a story around the campfire thats just plain funny. Kids would like The Runaway Marshmallow. Part one. Part two. Part three.
Our first three babies, all girls, each weighed about seven pounds at birth. When our fourth arrived, he was much larger.
After delivery, the medical team began testing and measuring my new son. The last reading came from a nurse, who seemed impressed as she read, "Weight, nine pounds, eight ounces."
My husband, Morris, a CPA in corporate finance who'd been quiet up to this point, could contain himself no longer.
"How about that!" Morris exclaimed happily. "It's 36.5% more baby!"
A car hit a Jewish man, and the paramedics rushed to the scene. After
assessing the situation, they got the man on a stretcher and moved him
into the ambulance for transport to the hospital. He was not badly
injured, but enough so that they felt he should be checked out more
thoroughly than they were capable of doing in the street.
After getting the stretcher secured in the ambulance and as they
prepared to leave, one of the paramedics checked on the man and asked
him, "How are you feeling?"
"Okay, considering. " answered the man.
"Any nausea, dizziness, numbness?" asked the paramedic.
"No, none of that."
"Any shortness of breath or chest pain?"
"Are you comfortable? "
"I make a good living."
more ghost stories, the kind you can tell around a bonfire.
Big Chief Forget-me Not
An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the
Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, "By the
way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there
ever since I arrived." "Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the
manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the
agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of
his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his
phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest details of
his life." The travel writer took this in, and as he was waiting for his
cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test. "G'dye, myte!" said
the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have
for breakfast on your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," was the chief's instant
reply, without even looking up, and indeed the Aussie was impressed. He
went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the East coast
and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget-me-not' s great memory. (One
local noted to him that 'How' was a more appropriate greeting for an
Indian chief than 'G'dye myte.') On his return to the Vancouver Hilton
six months later, he was surprised to see 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'
still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a
stick. "How," said the Aussie. "Scrambled," said the Chief.
Virtual Curryâ€™s Haunted Castle.
If you want to scare yourself silly, watch this show about ghost photography, audio, and video, JK Cinemaâ€™s Urban Legends series: Ghosts. Its long, and has a long load time, so read the other stuff and come back to it. When you have time, make some more popcorn while loading. I wouldn't label this "adult content", but I wouldn't let the kids watch it. Nightmare stuff, ya know!
All Pictures have links have fun.