This That And Frog Hair2: Let White Trash Wednesday Begins

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Let White Trash Wednesday Begins

I pledge alligiance to the flag of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands
********-One Nation Under God********
Indivisible with liberty and justice for all

(Note this post has no perma links. there
are links in the pictures. One is very racy.)

Two guys from Minnesota are sittin' in a boat on Mud Lake fishing
and suckin' down beers when all of a sudden Mike says, "I think I'm
going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
Harry sips his beer and says; "You better think it over -
women like that are hard to find."

Two old women were sitting on a bench talking.
One asked the other: "How's your husband holding
up in bed these days?"
The second old woman replied, "He makes me feel
like an exercise bike."
"How's that?"
"He climbs on and starts pumping away, but we never
get anywhere."

The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have
been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today comes from Racine, Wisconsin where bozo
Gerald Williams purchased what he considered to be some bad
cocaine from a local dealer. Our bozo was arguing with the dealer
in question, demanding a refund. Suddenly he came up with a bright
bozo idea--he would call police headquarters and have them send
an officer over to settle the dispute. A patrol car was dispatched
and unbelievably the bozo let the officers into his house, showed
them the drugs and asked them to help him get his money back from
the dealer, who was still there. (Obviously there's more than one
bozo in this story) The officers tested the drugs and settled the
dispute by arresting both bozos.
A woman's three-year-old walked into the kitchen and announced
she'd figured it out: "When I get older and have babies, you'll
be their grandmother. "
The mother was impressed with her deductive reasoning until she went
on with a glint in her eye: "...that is if you live long enough."
A 79-year-old woman was arrested in Chicago after she tried to hold
up a bank at gunpoint. She wore a white visor that read "princess"
and black sunglasses when she tried to hold up the bank with a
toy gun.
The Chicago Sun-Times says she could be the oldest woman ever
charged with bank robbery in the city.
An FBI agent's affidavit says she walked into a Bank of America
branch and told a female cashier she could not speak very loud
because she had just come from the dentist.
When the cashier leaned forward, the woman pulled out what appeared
to be a gun and said, "Give me $30,000. My friend is across the
street. And no dye."
However, the cashier reached into her drawer and activated a silent
alarm before walking away from the counter.
The robber waited a few minutes then walked out of the bank,
ditching her trench coat as she left. A bank employee flagged down
a police officer who arrested her outside.

My twin boys were only seven years old when their paternal
grandmother announced she was getting remarried. We were all
thrilled for her, since she had seemed so lonely since Grandpa
passed away a few years before. We broke the news to our boys,
who were sitting in the back of the car. Grandma is getting
married again," we said.
Jon had a look of thoughtfulness on his face for a while.
He finally asked, "Is she going to have more children?"
Before we had a chance to respond, his twin brother Mike shot back
this answer: "No! She can't. She already had them. It's like
chicken pox. Once you get them, you can't get them again."

The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have
been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminals for today come from the Domestic Dispute
Division. From Carrollton, Texas comes the story of an unidentified
couple, a 92 year old woman and her 86 year old husband. It seems
the two lovebirds got into a verbal altercation in which the
92 year old woman swatted the 86 year old man with a rolled up
newspaper (well, it does always work with the dog). The dispute
became more and more heated and police had to be called to calm
the two parties down. The cops arrived and discovered the fight
was over laundry. The woman was upset because, as she said, she
couldn't remember how many times she'd told him not to put her red
sox in with his white T-shirts. For his part, the man, who is hard
of hearing, said he'd rather go to jail than put up with any more
of her complaining. Cooler heads prevailed and no charges were
filed. Maybe they can just have their laundry sent out...

The little girl went to church for the first time. As she was
leaving with her parents, the minister asked how she had liked
"I liked the music," she replied, "but the commercial was too long."

When my friend was pregnant, she was having a hard time with the
weight she'd gained. One day her husband persuaded her to go to
the beach for the day. "There I sat, with my bulges and potbelly,"
she told me later, "and this gorgeous girl, about 18 years old,
walked by in a fluorescent pink micro bikini. And I started to cry."
"When my husband asked what was wrong," she continued, "I said,
'Just look at that beautiful teenager. My body will never look
like that again"
"He rolled over and glanced at the girl in pink, and--here's how
I know I've married a special man--he took my hand and kissed
it. "You know what, Honey?" he said. Neither will hers."

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate
their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency
landing.Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on
the beach.However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the
island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay
our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
"One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and
MasterCard this month?" he asks.
"Oy, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away
and asks him, "What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in
reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem
that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the
man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical
books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed.
After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead
men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a
trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at
his finger... "Dead men do bleed!!"

The story you are about to read is true. The name(s) may have
been changed to protect the stupid...
Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From
the International File in Livorno, Italy comes the story of a 19
year old bozo who felt the spark had gone out of his relationship
with his 18 year old girlfriend. To try to rekindle the flame,
he decided to recreate a scene from Romeo and Juliet. With his
girlfriend waiting for him on the balcony, he began to climb up
the side of the building. Sad to say, the lovers did not let the
neighbors in on their little plan and one of them was awakened
by the noise. Noticing a strange man climbing up the side of an
apartment building, he called the cops. The police awakened the
girl's parents and that's when Romeo decided to fess up. The cops
took pity on him and decided not to press charges.
What Do We Know about God
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys
and girls, what do we know about God?
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten
boy."Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
My nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were
chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, "Mommy, does God
really make rainbows?"
"Of course he does," my sister replied.
Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained, "Only God has such big
A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in
search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap,
goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning
slowly underneath him.
He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one
of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served
as dinner to the leader of the tribe.
"But you don't understand!" he cries, "You can't do this to me! I'm
an editor for the New Yorker magazine!"
"Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well now you are editor-in-chief! "

The above picture reminds me every village

has one and many are missing theirs.

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This That And Frog Hair2: Let White Trash Wednesday Begins
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