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This That And Frog Hair2: Chuckles

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Chuckles


Transvestite definitions

Trans-sister - a cross-dressing nun
Transformation - A cross-dressing rocky outcrop.
Where do cross-dressing vampires come from? Transylvania.
What do cross-dressing steeples do? They transpire.

Transport - cds' favorite wine.
Transporter - cd wino.
Transfer - cd's politically- incorrect coat.
Transcontinental - rich cd's car.
Transmigration - pilgramage to San Francisco.

Transmute - A cd who can't speak
Transceiver - A cd's ham radio set.
Transmit - A cd's baseball glove.
Translate - A cd who's never on time.
A transvestite who abuses newsgroups? A crossposter.

Transformer - cd's ex-wife.
Transpose - what she caught him doing in front of the mirror.
Transcendental - cd tooth "fairy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~
Fox Hunts are still very popular in England.
Once, by mistake, a female dog, in heat,
was placed in the pack.
An observer asked, "How's it going?"
An official replied, "Well, I can't tell for sure
yet, but I think the fox is running about fifth."
~~~~~~~~~ ~




Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the
bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest
day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as
she could, trying not to be
late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late! Dear
Lord, please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty
and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started
running again! As she
ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be
late...But please don't
shove me either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a poem,
they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words
on piece of paper, he
calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper,
he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the
money!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she
requested no male
pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, "They
wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me
out when I'm dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your
own mother?"
He answered "Call for backup."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to
Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a babysitter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year
olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy
mother," she asked
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and
sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not
kill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was
created out of one of
Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as
though he were ill, and
she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to
have a wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the
devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan
stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad."
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you
stop laughing!


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