smile
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost .. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew! ", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
If you don't send this to five "old" friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more youthfully challenged.
You did notice the size of the print.
~~~~~~~~~
Why NOTHING is Better Than Sex.
1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.
2. Nothing is free.
3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.
4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.
5. It's perfectly all right to look bored while you do nothing.
6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won't get sued for it.
7. Keep those hard-earned pounds -- do nothing!
8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.
9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.
10. Chances are, you won't feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.
11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won't lead to any embarrassing situations later on.
12. Men and women ge nerally take the same amount of time to do nothing.
13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.
14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.
15. PMS won't keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).
16. Being "in the mood" to do nothing is no big effort.
17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.
18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.
19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.
20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost .. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew! ", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
If you don't send this to five "old" friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more youthfully challenged.
You did notice the size of the print.
~~~~~~~~~
Why NOTHING is Better Than Sex.
1. There are even more positions in which you can do nothing.
2. Nothing is free.
3. You can do nothing with anybody, at any time, and nobody will spread nasty rumors about you.
4. You can eat or sleep while you do nothing, and nobody will be offended.
5. It's perfectly all right to look bored while you do nothing.
6. While you may get fired for doing nothing at work, you probably won't get sued for it.
7. Keep those hard-earned pounds -- do nothing!
8. No man would dream of forcing a woman to do nothing.
9. The less effort you make, the better doing nothing is.
10. Chances are, you won't feel the effects of doing nothing nine months from now.
11. Doing nothing when you are inebriated won't lead to any embarrassing situations later on.
12. Men and women ge nerally take the same amount of time to do nothing.
13. You can do nothing with your kids without getting arrested.
14. You can do nothing in your car, on an airplane, in a school or work desk, in a restroom, on the toilet, in the bathtub, and on a hard tile floor in relative comfort.
15. PMS won't keep you from doing nothing (thank heavens).
16. Being "in the mood" to do nothing is no big effort.
17. You can do nothing if you are paralyzed from the neck down.
18. There is no point in your life at which you are incapable of doing nothing.
19. People ENJOY getting phone calls when they are doing nothing.
20. Doing nothing will never be a disappointing experience.
posted by lilfeathers2000 at 4:02 AM
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