1. The Tonya Tapper - A personal security steel club named
After the notorious skater; suitable for all knee whack-
2. Sweet Jesus Chocolate - Tasty milk chocolate crucifix
Candies that ooze red jelly when bitten.
3. Insecticide Pantyhose - Bug resistant pantyhose sure to
Repel spiders, cockroaches, [and probably dates.]
4. Artificial Spray-On Dirt - For the yuppie whose tired of
Looking wuss in his luxury S.U.V. This is sure to provide
That rugged four-wheeling look.
5. Drive-Through Window at Funeral Homes - For the more
6. .45 Semiautomatic Telephone - A novelty phone sure to
Please the darkest sense of humor. The caller must hold
The gun against their head to make a call; let the fun
7. Bird Diaper - For Polly when potty training is not an
8. Snif-T-Panties - Women's underwear with built in
Fragrance to capture the right mood; scents include
Rose, banana, pickles, pizza and, of course, whiskey.