Preview of Trash Day
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they
got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The
groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The
wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom
leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going
to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
Are you ready for this?
This is really going to hurt!
"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy........ even these silly
little cute..... and clean jokes.
Sounds to me like she's been !
Weird Fact of the Day:
In 1946, the New York Yankees became the first baseball team to travel by plane.
1." My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained the
harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she
thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks I've
already had it."
2. We know a fellow who upon being told by his shrewish wife that she
would dance on his grave, promptly provided for a burial at sea.
3. When the shrew learned her husband had taken a mistress, she
demanded, "Does this mean that you've had enough of me?"
"No, my dear," he coolly replied. "It means that I haven't had
enough of you."
4. Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he
sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for
his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I should ever
fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me."
5. Thomas Gladstone, a stockbroker, received an urgent phone call one
afternoon. "My name is Walters," the caller announced. "About two weeks
ago, my wife got a crazy idea and started walking the street, asking me
to procure customers for her."
"Just a minute," Gladstone protested. "You want Dr. Gladstone the
psychiatrist. His name is right below mine in the phone book. Many
people dial me by mistake."
"No mistake," came the reply. "I want you to invest all the money
Sex - The Mob Way
Other than the rule about certain sexual acts being unmanly, the #1 rule
about having sex is pretty simple: -- Your partner should be alive and,
at least 50% of the time, awake.
Do You Have What It Takes To Be A Mob Lover?
1. During sex you usually
a. Scream out your partners name
b. Plead the Fifth Amendment
c. Scream out your own name
2. Sex is best
a. With the lights on
b. With the lights off
c. With the dashboard lights on
3. If your partner pulls a Nelson Rockefeller and dies while in the
saddle, your immediate reaction is to
a. Scream and roll off
b. Call 911
4. Your lover suggests something innovative, like handcuffs. Your
reaction is to:
a. Try it, you might like it
b. Announce politely that handcuffs are not your thing
c. Wonder how you can use the TV remote during sex if you are
5. Your partners are usually
6. After sex you
a. Think about how long until you can make love again
b. Hang up on the phone sex operator
c. Thank the priest
Give yourself 3 points for every time you answered "a"
Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered "b"
If you answered "c" more than twice, just kill yourself, because you are
a sick loser.
12-18 points: Last of the red hot mob lovers.
10-11 points: A good mob lover
7-9 points: You're no Johnny Stompanato; if you're planning to stay in
the mob, you better carry a rolled up sock in your pants.
4-6 points: If you make love like this, you shouldn't be in the mob,
you should be in a cemetery.
0-5 points: Forget the mob, just go to a Star Trek convention
Eve was just created by God and goes to Adam to say hello. When she sees
Adam, she gets really horny and the following conversation takes
Eve: "Oh! Adam! Take me immediately!"
Eve: "Go ahead Adam! Come on, take me!"
Adam: "Hey, leave me in peace, you can see I'm busy!"
Eve: "C'mon Adam! Take to me quick and strong!!"
Adam: "If you make me mad, I'll clout you!"
On this rather strong retort, Eve says, "Ah well, Adam, since you don't
want a shag, I'll screw the first thing that comes along!"
Eve starts to look around and a few minutes later, she meets a dinosaur.
Eve: "Oh! Dino! Take me immediately, right here!"
Eve: "Go ahead Dino! Come on, jump on top of me!"
Dino: "But what are you thinking of, Can't you see that I am a dinosaur?
Dinosaurs can't screw the female of your species!!"
Eve: "Come on Dino! Don't worry about that! Take me quick and hard!"
Dino: "Sorry, it's out of the question!"
This reply really pisses Eve off. She attacks the dinosaur, and
scratches him to pieces and finally tears the balls off him as the poor
dinosaur, really suffering, flees to escape Eve.
As Eve continues her hunt for a shag she spots a fine looking gorilla.
She groans again.
Eve: "Oh! Gorilla! Take me immediately, I really need to be screwed!"
Eve: "Go ahead gorilla! Come on!"
Gorilla: "What! What's up with you? I am a gorilla and the gorillas do
not do that with a female of your tribe!!"
Eve: " Come on gorilla! Don't worry about that! Take me quick and hard!
Gorilla: "Sorry, out of the question."
With renewed anger, Eve jumps on the gorilla, to scratch him to bits.
The gorilla quickly realizes that she's going to do him some serious
damage ands tries to escape. As he gets away, Eve rips the hairs right
off of his ass.
She carries on her route, still looking for some sex, when she discovers
a splendid lake surrounds by grass and flowers. The birds sing and the
fish jump out of water to catch the mosquito's. Eve, by this time is
really, really desperate.
In desperation Eve jumps into the water, catches a fish and uses the
fish to satisfy her needs.
The Morale Of The Story:
Now we know why the dinosaurs died out and why gorillas don't have a
hair on their bums. But we'll never, ever know, what the original smell
of fish was...